This is a transcription of the wonderful eulogy that my wife, Karin gave at the twins' funeral. It was so beautiful and touching that I had to post it. I originally had written something to say but it fell short to what I thought my children deserved but Karin surprised me, stood up and saved the day. I can't express how very proud that I am of her.
"Three weeks ago my life changed forever. I became a mommy. Although it was one of the most terrifying days of my life because I knew it was too early for our babies to be born it was also one of my proudest moments. My mother had told me early in my pregnancy that you will know no greater love than a mother’s love for her children. I believed her but I had no idea that the love would be so overwhelming.
Most of you did not have the opportunity to meet our babies in person. They were so small that their visitors had to be limited to protect their already fragile health. They were bruised and connected to wires and machines and they were the most beautiful things I had ever seen.
Our daughter Everleigh Arlene was the first to be born. She was tiny and petite, under a pound in weight. Our daughter brought great joy to everyone that had the privilege of knowing her in her short 20 hours of life. Everyone was envious of her perfectly arched eyebrows. She had beautiful black hair just like her daddy and long fingers and big feet like her mommy’s side of the family. She was a charmer already and melted her mommy and daddy’s hearts. Each time we would get ready to step away from her isolette she would wiggle an arm or a foot that would instantly make us stay longer to stare at her. And even though she was too small for clothing somehow in her short little life she managed to collect four tiny little hats, I guess she was going to turn out to be just like her mommy.
The wonderful team in the NICU did all that they could to help our baby girl survive but the odds were stacked against her. She passed away the Sunday after she was born in the loving arms of her mommy and daddy, grandmothers, and her Aunt Sheryl.
Our son Chance Killian James arrived soon after his sister. Chance put up a little more of a fight during his delivery. He took a small breath and moved just after he was born. He was over a pound in weight. I was able to touch Chance’s foot just before he was whisked off to the NICU for more care. For nine days Chance fought hard and strong true to his middle name that means “little warrior.” He did everything that his doctors and nurses asked him to do. He was our wiggle man, always moving a leg or a foot or trying to pull on one of his monitor lines. He was able to come off of his respirator and use a CPAP for 18 hours. According to his Uncle Garry that was very good for a guy so small.
Chance amazed everyone in the NICU. In a family meeting with all of the nurses and doctors Dr. Pane called him a miracle baby. We were so proud of our son for his strength.
We were able to help care for Chance which made us feel like regular parents. Derek changed his first diaper, we took his temperature, helped to change his bedding, and I was even able to wash that beautiful black hair. Since he was too small and fragile to hold we were able to reach into his isolette and cup him to comfort him and let him know that we were there. I read him bed time stories and his daddy read him the Hobbit with the hopes that one day they would be able to watch the movie together.
Chance opened his eyes just a bit one night and I thought that I was going to jump out of my skin. The next day his eye opened even more. His daddy was so excited to be able to look our beautiful boy in the eyes. I will never forget those tiny little eyes. They would open when we would talk to him and he would track us when we moved. He saw us, he knew his mommy and daddy and that was a wonderful feeling.
After a long fight Chance became very sick. He had to endure more tests and more x-rays. This life had become too much for him.
It was time for him to be with his sister. The doctors and nurses stopped working on him and wrapped him in one of his blankets. They gave him to his daddy and both of us sat with him and told him how proud we were of what he had done. To finally see our son without all of his monitors was amazing. He was so perfect, his hair so soft, and we were able to see all of his little features. Both of his grandmothers were able to hold him for the first and last time.
One evening in a tearful conversation with my mother in law she told me that Chance opened his eyes and saw the love and the forever bond that Derek and I had. He saw his daddy taking care of his mommy and knew that in time we would be okay if he left us, that he needed to do the same for his sister. Chance knew that is sister was alone and she needed him so he went to her.
Our babies accomplished more in their short lives than most adults can hope to in a full life. They brought family and friends closer together. They reminded us to be thankful for each hour that we share even if it is sitting in a small room not saying a word. Everleigh taught us about beauty and grace and Chance taught us determination and what strength really is.
But most of all our children taught Derek and me something that we thought we already knew after 22 years of being a couple. We thought that we had a strong relationship and a strong bond but now we have a bond like no other and it is not because we have lost our children. It is because we love our children. It is because we are a team and beside each other we can get through anything. They have shown us what the true meaning of love is. They have taught us what the most important things in life are and we are forever changed by them.
As parents we search for the safest place for our children to be. Derek and I have found that safe place for our babies, the safest place that we could ever find for them, in our hearts."
